Is love, love if it doesn’t show up? Is it love if it doesn’t encourage? Is it love if it has parameters with which it is acceptable to identify with?

Is it love if it makes fun?
Is it love if it isn’t accommodating?
Patient?
Understanding?
Listens?
What about makes excuses?
Doesn’t respect boundaries or wishes???

Is it love?

Do you know where I go now when I’m faced with this?
How do they treat themselves? Do they take care of themselves? Are they on a track toward self-improvement and self-awareness? Or are they just flapping their gums?

I think a lot of people get stuck in families and in relationships often tolerating these things because it’s a gradual conditioning that takes place. The more your boundaries are defied, the further they push and we allow it, chalking it up to a bad day.

But I can tell you that this is the slippery slope. Here is the best quote I have read that is totally applicable to this very thing;
“But because they didn’t carefully think through what matters most and because they repeatedly made small compromising decisions over a long period, they found themselves in a completely different place than they had intended to be.” Clayton Christiansen

Has that ever happened to you? You ended up in a situation where you asked yourself; “How did I get here?”
Oh I know full well how I got to where I was and even some of the residual stuff I see now. Poor foundation. When you’re conditioned to accept less as a child, you go out into the world with low expectations. And a person will build an entire life based on those low standards and maybe come to like I did and see, wholly shit— it’s all patterned after the old garbage!!!

Then you find yourself having a few spiritual burn parties in your soul and spirit because you just can’t go on like that anymore. It is bloody fucking painful but not more painful than staying with the same old, low ball halfhearted trash. Awareness will pull you out of the thick of this. But it isn’t until we realize what we’ve done to ourselves and allowed that we can really see it and get out.

At some point anyone who is conscious and by conscious, I just mean awake/alert/alive— anyone who is conscious would have to realize that it couldn’t possibly always be the other person. So ye have a little chat with yourself; “alright then, what are my faults? What is my go-to coping method and is it really working for me (be honest here) what are my patterns? Can I see where it came from? No fault finding, just finding the origin. And how can I work to change this so I can break the cycle because I don’t want to live it anymore?

Love isn’t any of those things I listed above, not by a landslide. A mood is a mood but repeated behavior colors it as a pattern and thus a personality trait.

For a long time, I wanted to know why it happened. Why I was treated the way I was, but my inquiries were futile and frustrating. The ‘why’ seemed to pull me backward in my recovery. It’s sadly one of those things I’ve had to chalk up to; they’re broken just like I was but instead of taking responsibility for it, they passed it on. It is a conscious act, but I can’t assume that everyone is self-aware. Assumptions of any kind aren’t a good idea. Giving them the grace enough to chalk it up to broken humanity is the best most loving thing I can offer. And knowing I am under no obligation to maintain a connection with them either. That is where it remains.

Tell me, what are your thoughts? Leave some comments down below, I’d love to hear from you. Thank you for reading.

Blessings xx