Many of us grew up within family structures that had hard outlines ideals that made up what we came to know as right and wrong.

Now, I’m not talking about the “common sense” right and wrong but right and wrong as concerns failure and success, specifically.

Go to college; get a 4 year+ degree, intern/get hired, work, save, buy a house, get married, go to church, have children and fill your home with the newest of everything, have a packed schedule— the kids need to be in all the sports. This is the iconic American family. This is success here. This is what gains you approval. This is how you get welcomed into the IT crowd.

It’s that nod from your neighbor Jim, as he’s watering his lawn. It’s the wave from Susan as she drives by in her electric smart car. It’s in the silence of your father who finally has nothing snarky to say about how you decided to furnish your house.

Everyone approves! You won. You made it. You’re successful now. Where’s the award? My bigger question is; Are you happy? Do you feel fulfilled at the end of the day? Does having everything you thought you needed to make your life complete, make you feel good inside? Or is there still a dull ache?

As I’m writing this I’m seeing scenes from Fight Club flash through my head or even Mr. and Mrs. Smith. All 3 characters in the film had the aesthetic of success and being put together but underneath there was so much more going on. The character in Fight Club was afraid to let loose, so his mind created another way for his to be possible for him. On the off chance that you haven’t seen it, I won’t indulge much more. But he speaks to Tyler, his odd comrade about how he had it all, the matching furniture, the clothing— the perfectly curated apartment. He even goes so far as to admit that he was so empty that his refrigerator only had condiments in it.

With Mr. and Mrs. Smith, they were both successful in business, had a beautiful house— that also was perfectly arranged but as Mrs. Smith puts it, “There’s this huge space between us and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don’t say to each other…”

Do you ever feel like that? Like you’re holding back?

There are these embedded words that get pressed on us like; “be practical,” “be realistic,” “Be smart…” Because maybe doing what your heart desires is viewed as the opposite of realistic, practical or smart. If money was of no concern, what would you be doing? And what if because you were meant to be doing that thing, you would naturally be financially compensated?

This is part of being ourselves here, the most YOU, you can be. You’re doing *Your* thing. Doing the stuff in the above paragraph, the degree, the spouse, the kids, the dog, the midlife crisis, all of that is the worldview ideal for success. But is it success if you’re not happy? Is it success if you’re just getting through the day?

I want to stop there a moment. I know I’ve got the floor right now but I’m also an amazing listening and do you know how many people tell me in the span of a week; “I’m just getting through the day/week…”

Getting through is what you do in the dentist’s chair! We’re talking about your LIFE here, week by week— just getting through it. One day you will walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror and see a strange face who has aged tremendously while you were just getting through your week/year/decade. WOW. If that doesn’t make you stop for a moment, I don’t know what will.

There’s a Dirty Heads song called; Vacation. Here’s the bit of the lyrics that apply here; “A-a-ay, I’m on vacation
Every single day ’cause I love my occupation
A-a-ay, I’m on vacation
If you don’t like your life, then you should go and change it.”

I know you may be thinking this is magical thinking, but doesn’t everything begin in the mind anyhow? Before words leave your mouth, you thought it up first. And your inner monologue creates your life as you go along throughout your day, because everything is going to be painted with whatever mood or feeling you are experiencing. Isn’t it?

Buddha is quoted as saying; “The trouble is, you think you have time.

Doing what your heart desires isn’t failure. Having a smaller house, isn’t failure. Not having your children in every sport isn’t failure. Not measuring up to the familial standard isn’t failure. In fact, I think it’s growth because to call something different, wrong is intolerance, not wisdom. Not getting married or not having children isn’t failure! Gosh, that’s a big one in this country.

I see these old stereotypes and parameters being broken and eroded away, mostly by the younger generations— to which I can honestly say I am proud. They’re not giving into societal and familial pressures like some of the older and slightly older generations did, following it by the letter. Which I think was a massive pitfall in the deterioration of some of the more important things like family and community, pitting us against one another as competitors, rather than helping one another out. But that can be a discussion for another day.

I want to end this on a positive note because that is one of the driving goals of this blog, is to inspire and encourage. The one and only person who can determine whether or not you are successful is you. Only you. If you want the white picket fence and dog, house, spouse, degrees— all of that go for it but dear gods, I hope you aren’t sacrificing your truth, your deepest most authentic inner self for approval. Because that’s what the whole premise about it was in the first place. Approval and conforming to the systemized consciousness. Smile and nod. Just keep walking, smile and nod…

It’s just you. I know we all came from different backgrounds and families but I also know how deep those ideals are ingrained. Be brave, break out of the mold and be you, the YOU, you came here to be.

Blessings xx