I have to get this one out… It’s been banging around in my head and my heart for a few days now.

It isn’t that I didn’t know what it was— the disconnect between me and some humans, I just didn’t know how to put it into words properly. But I’m going to try today.

I don’t like to use the world normal because ‘normal’ is some elusive unicorn of a stereotype that we have all been chasing since we came out of our mother’s wombs. In order to set up some of these concepts, I feel that I have to use that word interchanged with the word typical, as well.

A normal response from someone when you tell them of a terrifying event that you endured would be concern, shock or empathy.

A normal response from someone when you share a huge accomplishment or achievement would be excitement and an overall congratulatory attitude.

A normal response when you are hurting is one of sympathy, concern and understanding.

When you are in close relationship of any kind with someone, a normal response love, compassion, kindness and seeking to understand.

These are fairly typical responses for the circumstances. This is what most people feel safe expecting from others. But what happens when the expected response doesn’t come?

You feel hurt, slighted or blown off. Totally understandable, you’d never pass over someone’s deep hurt or tell them to pull their bootstraps up, would ye?

I’ve come to realize in some terribly painful ways that some people simply aren’t equipped for this depth. It’s literally not there. Try getting into an older car, (think 1980’s) and attempt to hook up Bluetooth on your phone to the radio system. Not gonna happen, is it? The technology isn’t there. The hardware isn’t there. The equipment isn’t there. Neither is their ability to understand your circumstance. They simply can’t. It either isn’t a bridge they have crossed themselves OR and it’s a big or, OR they are avoiding that space within themselves. Let me set this up.

Imagine you have a very serious brush with death and you tell your close friend about it and they react strangely by laughing. Totally inappropriate, right? It is very possible that they are afraid of death or haven’t reconciled their thoughts about their own death or maybe they can’t imagine their lives without you. We don’t know. We can ask but unless someone has plunged the depths of their own psyche in earnest, they likely won’t have a clue as to why they respond the way they do.

There are some people who react. To react is; ‘to perform for a second time/play the part of, again.’ Reacting— as we can see by the definition is often a response rooted in another place or circumstance. psssst….. it may not have anything to do with you or your present circumstances. Inappropriate reactions are a good indicator of unresolved former traumas, abuse, PTSD or being emotionally ill equipped.

There are a lot of emotionally stifled children walking around in adult bodies. A tremendous amount. Until we learn how to sift through our circle and have grace and boundaries for those who are incapable of having an equally supportive relationship, we are going to feel hurt a lot.

Another point on this, is that we don’t *need* others to understand, either. In truth, it is impossible for another human to understand what you are enduring. It is physically, mentally and emotionally impossible. That’s kind of the neat thing and also the painful thing at the same time. Neat because whatever happens in your life is privy to you and painful because no one understands it funny. Sometimes, things really are just meant for us. They’re meant to just be our private matter, quiet contemplation or silent pain as we work our way through something that is ultimately going to grow and change us for the better. And this is okay too.

Sharing what happens in our lives with our closes people in hope that they will respond a certain way, after gaining understanding that they are wholly incapable will do nothing but cause damage to the relationship and one another.

I won’t go seeking water at empty wells anymore. There’s nothing there… and sometimes the people who were meant to be your number 1 person, will not be equipped with what you truly need. That was a hard one for me, I’ll be honest. But now that I understand and see the people connections in my life, as they are, not as I wanted them to be— I’ve come to a place where I need nothing, yet have everything I need. I have come to know this as true peace…

Blessings xx