I ask Spirit/my Higher self/God how they want to use me, where can I best serve humanity and others, whilst fulfilling my goals here. I don’t come up empty handed on answers and that’s about as hard as I search for the answer because I know that the answer will seek me out. I’m open to it.

I think about the people who had difficult childhoods, who are now adults but silently crippled within emotionally, hiding their pain from others, hiding their emotional handicap from others behind degrees and careers. I think about the problems that could be solved with more introspection— not shame or beating one’s self up. I think about the communication issues that could be resolved if we removed our hurt feelings from the situation and just heard or read the message being conveyed. I am continually challenged to do these things myself, that’s why I write about them. I don’t write from a place of mastery, I write from a place of understanding and humility. I understand the human condition and many of the motivations behind the actions of humans, even some of the most radical ones. But this doesn’t condone the actions, I can just see the thought process behind what led to the conclusion of action that was taken.

My oldest asked me last night why people don’t ask for help or accept help… I told him isn’t a loaded question because there are many reasons why. I have struggled to ask for help because help wasn’t help or it came at a great cost. Help was a judge standing over me, observing me, rather than getting in there and helping. Or it was someone who reminded me again and again that they helped me once, though I paid the debt. It was an ego thing— a badge of honor to tell others about but helping wasn’t the goal, it was an ego boost.

Some people don’t ask for help because they know help won’t come because it never did. Some don’t ask because they don’t have anyone to ask. Some don’t ask for help because they want to know that when they make it to the top, it was all their own doing.

Help is meant to be a relief; it’s meant to take the load off your shoulders a bit. Help is meant to be a gesture of compassion and love. Help isn’t help if you’re berated for needing it. Help isn’t being punished for not being able to do something on your own.

Help lifts. Help encourages. Help is the extra set of hands to hold you while you’re walking out your life here. Help is a gift that should be given without conditions and strings. Help should come from a place of steadiness and ease. Help comes from wisdom. Help is the kind embrace when you needed it. Sometimes help comes before you call.

These are some of the guidelines outlining what help really was, so that when I encountered help, I had something to shore it up to. If the help doesn’t feel good or is critical, it isn’t help. Help is patient and understanding. Help listens. If the help that comes to you cannot manage to fulfill these outlines, it isn’t help. Help compromises but so will you in a fair manner.

Learn to surround yourself with people who you can count on so that when help is offered or you need to ask for help, you know it’s coming from a good place. Stay away from people who “feel familiar,” because often, familiar is a tricky code word for— my damaged auric imprint. Let me explain.

We all have imprints within our energy field that we’ve acquired throughout our lives from interactions and situations that have left a mark. It’s stuck energy. It’s an accumulation of incomplete experiences. Experiences where we weren’t able to express our emotions the way we needed to. We got cut off. When an emotion arises and we’re not able to let it out appropriately, it gets stuck.
I grew up in a household where crying was frowned upon and so was any display of anger. If I was angry about something, I was called a barrage of names and punished for being upset. By the time I was 8, I was in and out of the doctor’s office for stomach issues from swallowing all my tears, anger, fear— everything. It wasn’t allowed. I was intended to be a perfectly behaved child with only receptive emotions and contentment, no matter what. Laughter and joy were even reprimanded. So, you can only imagine the havoc that wreaked on my system.

Joy had been hard won. Fun had been hard won. Anger had been hard to release without tears or shame for having felt it. Feeling sad had felt scary to experience and express too because it was never safe. It was never safe to be a real, feeling and emotional human being. Expressing myself was difficult! Instead, it came out as me defending myself before anyone ever said anything to me about what I’d said or did. I always had to explain why I am the way I am because the being that I was told I was, was unacceptable. —Both in speech and in action, I was told there was something wrong with me, so in order to spare people the discomfort of having to tolerate me, I’d explain why I was messed up.
Awesome, right?

This was all lovingly planted by caretakers. This is why I didn’t ask for help when I needed it. Because it was just another gallon of gasoline added to the fire of things to be ridiculed for.

As I explained to my oldest last night, before we judge someone for why they don’t ask for help or accept help, we need to consider that maybe help wasn’t safe. And maybe they haven’t done the introspection like I have in order to uncover why and open up to a world of possibility that help does exist.
I hope this helped someone today…

Blessings xx