There was a time in my life where I needed people, I needed support, I needed a listening ear and a kind heart. The church jumped ship, scattered, just like they did to Jesus. I’m not looking for any pity, just sharing some thoughts, like usual.

I’ve come to know christians as deserters. I have no reason to believe otherwise. I’ve known nothing else. I’ve known them as pretenders. Friends that are friends through good weather and disappear when things get wild. Or tell you you’re not their sister in christ anymore because you don’t uphold the same practices as them. Conditional friendships and alliances never last and I learned that in a very hard and painful way.

People have their reasons and they’ll justify them with scripture— which of course is open to interpretation. But they’re right because they think they are. Modern christianity has been one of the most two-faced organized religions I have ever witnessed in my life. A religion which idly sat by while I was being psychologically abused and then told that I should be a godlier wife in order to turn my husband’s heart back toward me. A religion that told me to fake my physical affections for him when I was repulsed by the way he treated the kids and myself. A religion that told me to respect a man who used scripture to justify his behavior, citing that it didn’t matter if I ever forgave him because Jesus died for his sins no matter what.

The patriarchy has been the crux of humanity, stomping down the feminine and justifying it with a book that has been clipped and edited and altered. A book that continually is misinterpreted and regurgitated as a scapegoat more times than it is used as a guidance tool on how to lovingly treat others. A book that in its essence was probably good at one time but has been so badly misrepresented and twisted for one’s own self gain. For harm! For harm…. that is a sick and cruel thing to do, harm someone and use a book, to justify it. And they’re justified because there are thousands of little sheep that believe it because if they just read the book as it is, they would clearly see how sorely misled they are.

I think if Jesus came back now he’d have no one to take back with him. Because the ones who think they’re right are wrong and the ones who think they’re wrong are doing right… isn’t that what he said? Those who are last will finish first? So, I’ll take my ridicule and being “abandoned” to the world by those who were meant to be there with me over following a rotted religion where a middleman is needed in order to “understand” the word.

I remember scripture but I don’t use it against people. And I remember what Jesus taught me. To love and to forgive and to leave people to their own business but stand beside them while they’re in it because sometimes this world is cold and lonely. He was alone… When I am alone, I am in good company. Jesus sat with the tax collectors and those who were tossed out by society. He touched lepers! Can you imagine the impact of that? Being touched and healed after not having been touched in so long? Having been cast out from society for being ill and unsightly? Wow… that is the kind of impact humanity is supposed to have on one another.

But here we are, justifying our cruelty and judgment using religion and politics— none of your justifications will hold up. None of it. You’ll get to the finish line, laying in that bed or in a pool of your own bodily fluid realizing you wasted your whole fucking life judging people and treating them like shit and now you gotta meet your maker and face it.

All of the ugliness that has been hiding within the recesses of humanity since the last reset is coming bubbling to the surface, so you best make sure you got your shit straight and you’re being a decent human in this world. Do good. Be kind. Love big. What do you have to lose??? Stop justifying being a shitty person. Stop running out on people. Stop putting on a big show to hide how freaking small you are, how ugly you are. Psssssst….. we see you! You’re not hiding.

Man. This isn’t going to get better until we act better and take accountability for our stuff. How can we expect accountability in the world when we’re not taking it for ourselves? Macro/micro. That’s how this stuff works. I didn’t make the rule or the universal laws, I just figured them out.

Blessings xx